God's Family #2

What was God's intention when he created the roles of parents and children? Eph. 6:1 commands children to obey their parents, but does that give the parents the role of dictator in the family? On the contrary. The very next verse commands fathers not to provoke their children to wrath, but to feed or nourish them with Godly instruction and discipline. So many people seem to think that they have no say at all in what their children become, that their role is to just let the children express themselves and find their own way. Obedience has no place in their home. So many others think that teaching their children means laying down the law about everything without explanation, and that obedient children are those who never question the parents' dictates. These two approaches also exist in the church family. I have been in congregations where the elders did not follow the instructions given them in I Timothy and Titus to teach and watch over the brethren and so allowed false doctrine and worldliness into the spiritual family. I have also been in congregations where the elders were more concerned with maintaining their authority and furthering their own agendas than in feeding the flock, and as a result watched their spiritual family either flee in disgust and rebellion or retreat into unproductive lethargy. I do not believe that either approach is what God had in mind. Certainly there are occasions for simple exertion of authority, such as when a child continues in rebellion against the parent or a member against the elders in spite of understanding instruction. There is also occasion for allowing a person to learn from their own experiences, good or bad.  However, two passages come to mind in describing what God had in mind when He created the role of parent. Deut. 4:9 instructs the Israelites to teach their children the commandments of God. The word for teach comes from a word which means "to know, to find out and discern, to know by experience, to consider, to be wise." (Brown, Driver, Briggs) This is much more than drilling through a succession of facts and requires much more from the student than blind acceptance. God wanted us to teach our children to think, to question, to search, to be able to distinguish between truth and falsehood regardless of the source. People, whether children or adults, who are consistently told authoritatively to accept without question quickly learn to leave the thinking to others and exist in a mental vegetative state. Thus, in spite of factual knowledge otherwise, when confronted with a similarly authoritative statement contradicting what they have already been taught, they find they cannot defend their "knowledge" and end up accepting the new statement without question, regardless of its truth. I Tim. 3:4 commands that an elder rule his house well. The word "rule" in this verse, in addition to the literal meaning, also means "to be a protector or guardian, to give aid, to care for, give attention to." A parent who follows this instruction correctly is going to be more concerned with the growth and the needs of the child, and his or her behavior toward the child will reflect that concern. Commandments will be given, but so will instruction, guidance, patience, and experience. Elders who apply this same thinking to their role in the church will provide the same for the members in their charge. Obedience to such rule is much more willingly given because it is earned by the demonstration of love for God and for others, rather than demanded.